Limit Setting for Children

15-24 MONTHS

WHAT TO EXPECT:

1.        Toddlers will continually test limits.

2.        Your face and body will probably say more than your words.

3.        By 18 months, a toddler can understand plain and simple language.

4.        A toddler does not respond well the lengthy dissertations.

5.        Can make choices when presented to them.

TECHNIQUES TO USE:

1.        Tell them what you want them to do, not what you don’t want.  “Please keep your feet on the floor.”  “I want you to sit on the chair.”

2.        Honor the impulse if possible.  If they are throwing the ball in the house, say: “You want to throw, let’s go outside and throw.”  If they are climbing on the table, say, “The table is for eating.  If you want to climb, you may go climb on the jungle gym.”

When they are angry and hurt someone else because of a toy, say, “Hitting hurts.  It is NOT OKAY to hit (Tommy).  Be gentle with Tommy (show her gentle).  Let’s go find another toy just like it.”  Or “If you want to hit, let’s go hit the couch.”  Pick him up and move him to the couch.  Hit the couch with him.  Show him where and how he can hit.

If hitting continues:  Remove him and tell him you cannot continue to let Tommy get hurt.  Stay with him.  You may have to hold him.  When he wants to go back, say, “So you are ready to go back and play gently!”

3.        Give advanced notice to ease the transition.  Talk to your child as you are about to change what he is doing, “Bye, bye park…see you next time.”

4.        Motivate your toddler toward the next activity.  Think of something appealing about what’s ahead.  “Let’s go see your dog in the car.”

5.        Talk with few words.  They tune us out after 3 sentences.  Be specific and give short clear directions.

6.        Acknowledge your toddler when he is following the limits you have established.  Let him know how it impacted you or the situation.  “Thank you for picked up your blocks.  We can now walk through without tripping.”  Or “Thank you for coming right away. It makes it easier to leave on time.”  “Thank you for keeping your feet on the floor.  It helps keep the table clean.”  Or “It’s safer that way.”

7.        Encourage independence by letting toddlers do things for themselves when they are ready.

8.        Patience and repetition are essential.  Children learn a little at a time.

9.        Be compassionate with gentle firmness.  Avoid getting angry.  Anger will get in the way of the child learning self-discipline.

10.    Be consistent.  It is better to have 4 rules enforced 100% of the time than 10 rules enforced 50% of the time.

11.    Sometimes a toddler needs you to go at his pace.

This is used as part of the curriculum developed by Parents’ Place.  Reprinted with permission from PARENTMAKING: A Practical Handbook for Teaching Parent Classes About Babies and Toddlers by Annye Rothenberg, Ph.D..et.al.  ©1981, 1995, Annye Rothenberg, Banster Press, P.O. Box 7326, Menlo Park, CA 94026.  May copy for parent classes if this notice is included in full.